i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
