she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
