fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
