Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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