I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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