She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
