Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
