I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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