Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
