WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
