My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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