you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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