remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
