Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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