You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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