i don't like sucking hair
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
