i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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