She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
