I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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