Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
