I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
