if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.