Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.