I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...