This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
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I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me