I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
