i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
