FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
