Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
