I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
