PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
