Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
