Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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