i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
