her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
