My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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