don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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