Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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