After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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