why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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