It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
