i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How naked do you want me to be?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
