Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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