you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
