I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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