I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
