well I can't set my house on fire every night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
