too bad you live with your parents still
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
