i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
