If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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