Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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