Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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