he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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