so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sober January is a disaster.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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