do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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