Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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