bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
