Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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