Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
