My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize