I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
