True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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