my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
