just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
