chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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