My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
