Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
