Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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