I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
