so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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