sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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