This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
