Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
