Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
