I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
